Hands Full of Soil
by Matt Nash
HANDS FULL OF SOIL
Early I rise and wonder,
Will this journey be too much?
Too much to hold, too much to handle?
How much longer will I feel silence in my bones?
Walking past fallen trees with brittle branches,
the snap rings in my ears like a bee sting.
Skin burns from the sting of words said to me.
The fog thickens the higher I climb,
blinding me from getting in my own way—
the unseeing, a gift.
Am I secure in my footing?
I’ve been told I am too much,
encased in embers of burned paper,
ashes of a former part of me I thought I had shed.
Perhaps I am playing small to hide my fear—
because I keep changing like a chameleon
to fit my surroundings with safety.
I want to feel the worms in the dirt,
hands full of soil from the hard climb.
I seek to re-humanize myself,
reminding myself that whose I am
matters more than what I do!
I gain strength as I shed the expectations,
expectations from people not on the mountain
that I’ve been called to.
I am secure in this arduous climb;
the mundane mixes with the majestic.
There is a holiness in the birds’ song overhead,
singing their melody to Almighty Love.
Then comes more silence,
wrapping me up like soft, spongy moss.
As I hear clearly, the only voice that matters is his,
and He gives me anchor points when I slip.
Yes, here on this mountaintop,
my hands are full of the soil of a soul filled with joy.
MATT NASH
Matt is a writer, trained spiritual director, and retreat leader. He holds a Doctorate in Transformational Leadership and a Master of Divinity in Spiritual Formation. He has been published in Good Words for the Young: A Children’s Devotional, which is centered around the writings of George MacDonald.
Matt is also working on his first book, The Joy of Disruption, which will be published in the next couple of years. Matt served for over 30 years as a pastor and missionary and, in 2022, founded Kardia Community, which provides soul care and spiritual formation for people. Matt has written for Church Planter Magazine and Vessels of Light.
Matt is married to Jeana. They have one daughter and live in Rochester, NY. He enjoys reading, traveling, and getting out in nature as much as he can.
You can find Matt on Instagram @matthewnash1 and on his Substack at aslanonthemove.substack.com. He writes about soul care, grief, mental health, and spiritual formation.